THE FOLLOWING IS A TRUE STORY START TO FINISH!

NO NAMES WILL BE CHANGED, AS THEIR ARE NO INNOCENT, AND EVERY WORD CAN BE PROVEN OBJECTIVELY.... I'M DONE BEING THE NICE GUY....

Tell me how well you would fare, if close to half a century on this planet, and nobody has ever really "gotten" you, nobody has ever really valued you, and you know it. Then suddenly the exact thing you've spent your life hoping and praying would someday arrive, is in front of you, and telling you all those things you've waited so long to hear someone say. Not only that, they confirm it's your answer to prayer, as they know certain things, and upon greeting you, not long after they tell you it was the Holy Spirit drawing them to you, that compelled them to contact you, and they say the silly thing they said the first time they contacted you, the question they acted like was burning within them, the one they knew how you would answer, and then confess to you it was all just a ruse to spend time talking to you in a private environment, as this was God's doing and not mans?
Tell me how would your heart soar, as you had the most amazing time of Bible study, and worship of our God together, in prayer and in song, and just in wonderful seamless Koinonia. (fellowship) This person, though 2500 miles away, has already become an integral part of you, and you've already decided it is the most beautiful part of you. Now all the memories of the years of disappointment assault your mind with nay-saying, trepidation is so great, you sometimes find yourself shaking and don't know why, until you see their face in your mind's eye, ahhhh, there she is, my forever love, my storybook, my fairy-tale, my queen.

So you pray and seek the face of God, with a thankful, but so wounded heart. Finally you have it, that peace only God can give, the trepidation, gone. fear of loss, gone. the pit of loneliness that had become so familiar begins to fade and fade quickly.
Then within a short period, begins a deluge of superlative absolutes, but see, they don't seem crazy, but the natural order, as you've completely given your heart away in trust, as they've assured you, and respected you being so candid, when you said clearly; This heart has been through more than it could stand already, and I'm certain it cannot withstand another great break. You go on to say; I will gladly give you my wounded heart, and I ask only one thing in return, please be certain, and if you're certain this heart, my heart is the one you want, then for the rest of my days here, I will gladly give it to you, and for the rest of my life. I am yours.
She quickly responds with, You are EVERYTHING I could ever want in a man and so much more. You are the answer to my prayers. I love you, and that will NEVER change, I look forward to growing in Christ together as we grow old together. I love you, and you are my destiny.

How are you faring to this point?
I'm going to leave some things out, but now the deluge has been going constantly for 1.5 years. 18+ months now you've been hearing her say things like God made me specifically for you. God knows there is simply no other man for me, but you. My children are your children. You are my hope and expected end. God said you are the best thing for me. I could continue, as there were hundreds in that course of time, and I have all of them to this day. A few months later, you meet Michelle Dawn Howard (now Deardoff) in person and in all you took 7 flights cross country to spend time with her, and those 3 wonderful kids, and the first time you met face to face, there was such an incredible connection, on absolutely every level you could think of, but you say nothing, as she vocalizes everything you would have said. Never before had you been so enamored, so filled, and so empty of yourself, as you've poured all of you into life with her. No reserve, No Plan B, No question, You've heard from God, she's heard from God, those you've had praying have heard from God, and it's all YES YES YES. You touch, and it's as if you found the part of you you've been looking for your whole life. Parting as she lets you out near departures, you're already pricing tickets and moving things in your calendar, because now, after a little one says from the furthest seat in the back of her van, just as loud as she can; "Thanks for being our dad!", (Later you learn it's quite common for those who have NPD & ASPD to write scripts for their children and others) and you smile, but you really just want to weep, as between Skype and now meeting them, you're leaving 4 large pieces of your heart 2500 miles away, and somehow you're expected to function, the same way you have, and run 2 businesses, effectively.
You cannot wait for each morning to hurry up and get here, because it's time for coffee and Our Daily Bread, followed with some good talk time for an hour or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5. Looking back you realize for almost 2 years you spent an average of no less than 5 hours a day, looking at each other, and actually talking. You also realize, there is not a single couple you can think of that would even be able to sit there and look at each other for more than 20 minutes, maybe an hour, yet for us either talking and never running out of things to say, or awkward silences, nor do either of you ever even seem to get bored with it. Just awesome, and the love and the promise of covenant just gets reaffirmed 5 10 20 times in a day.

Then she starts changing, as you used to proofread her school papers for her, and it was fun, because she also hit you up for Bible knowledge, and just because she knows you're smart, as she's reading she says; "what does X mean?" You know from the top of your head most of the time, but you don't want her to know you've googled a few of them, but for the sake of transparency you tell her anyway.
Then, the same God who had given EVERYONE YES YES YES YES , according to her, has now decided NO NO NO NO, but she wants to be your good friend. the next month she unfriends you on facebook. Keep in mind you know you've never done anything but encourage her, love her and her kids who she's said were yours, and that you're family, and that as you recall the deluge of superlatives and absolutes, well, they keep coming, but not like before, now it seems they're purpose is to keep you confused, and keep you hoping.
She also sends you real estate listings near her, and discounted flights information. She still says she loves you, but as you've divulged every weakness you have to her in the past 20 months, she has already weakened your strength and all but breathed into your weaknesses and fears.

How you faring, still doing good? Still feeling strong? Still confident in God and His love and plan for your life?

Soon after this, as you really don't know wth to do, with any of it, at all.
You're trying to prove to her that it was God, because the Bible says He doesn't change and He certainly NEVER went back and forth at least 50 times that you recall, and you've read the Bible for over 40 years, including once now cover to cover together with her. So, now you're a yo-yo, and the only thing you have left keeping you with some semblance of sanity or peace is the fact communication is still effectively active.
September 3rd, 2015 she can't stop thinking about you, and the kids miss you, and let's talk on Skype, YOU SHOULDN'T BE BOTHERED WITH THE FACT I UNFRIENDED YOU UNNECESSARILY, OR THAT WHILE WE'RE ON SKYPE I'M FACEBOOKING WITH OTHER PEOPLE, BECAUSE WE STILL TEXT, AND I STILL MAKE THINGS REALLY CONFUSING, BECAUSE I TELL YOU I LOVE YOU STILL, AND WANT TO BE WITH YOU SEXUALLY ALL THE TIME, EITHER ON VIDEO OR IN PERSON. WANT TO DO ODB? GET YOUR GUITAR AND PLAY WORSHIP. I LOVE WATCHING YOUR
FINGERS WHILE YOU PLAY, AND PICTURE THEM STROKING MY BODY.
I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE THE GREATEST GUY. YOU'RE SUCH AN AWESOME GUY. I MISS YOU. 

September 23, you haven't talked much this week, and the fact is she's being very rude towards you, but you're locked in, you have no plan B, and in fact you both agreed long ago, there was no more plan B thinking. She texts you something, and being very wounded already, she texts something else with a little bite to it, to which you respond, are you stupid? You know how much I love you, and how well I treat you, and now after everything you say you don't want us? You're stupid.” To which she replies “I know” and you tell her “So stop being stupid” and she says “OK, can we Skype now?” It goes pretty much the way it always does at this point, much like the first time you finally agreed to video, after months of text, and phone, and the first night, she now openly admits she seduced you, and if you're honest, at this point you'll take whatever kindness she's willing to offer, rather than accept the alternative with all of its implications.
Oct 16, You're on Skype reading something that is related to the Bible, but she doesn't really choose to do Bible stuff with you anymore, and though she said in no uncertain terms God placed you there to teach her, and the numerous times she's said, I love the insight God has given you into His Word, along with many other GOOD PURE ENCOURAGEMENTS.. Now she says; Take your shirt off, let me see you, and don't think for a minute I'm anything but excited and more than happy to oblige, as I know it's that time in her cycle where she is going to be SO NICE TO ME for a few days, nice like she was fort the first 18 months, but then in a few days, she's going to blame me for whatever occurred a few days before, and though she said early on that to her you have the best leadership skills and quality, in fact better than any man she's ever met. Now she goes as far as to emasculate you, and you notice by November she is systematically removing you from her life, but not only you, she is somehow unsaying everything she's said from the time the Holy Spirit “drew her to you”, but now she says it wasn't the Holy Spirit, but just her wanting someone in her life. So, what do you do with the confirmation you received, that you anguished over in prayer for days terrified of this day ever coming, and didn't stop pressing in, until you had peace?
By now though, she's said in many different ways you don't really hear from God, and she is far superior to you on any spiritual level, as if to say you are a spiritual midget compared to her. Now I could tell you in how many ways this specifically contradicts 18 months of her GOD SAID stuff, and honestly this is one thing that makes her look really foolish or stupid, take your pick.

So, whoo whoo? still exciting? NO REASON TO BE THE LEAST BIT UPSET OR CONFUSED, RIGHT? Just a little trifling,, no big deal right?

I'm tired so I'm wrapping it up. November, I want you to come out here and make me your sex slave, and do to me the things I've written in this BDSM story, one last tryst. I'll play my part. OF COURSE YOU DON'T TELL HER, BUT YOU'LL DO ALMOST ANYTHING TO HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE WITH HER, TO TALK TO HER, TO SOMEHOW GET HER TO SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING, WHAT SHE'S BEEN DOING, THE WAY SHE'S REDUCED YOU, DEVALUED YOU, AND NOW IT SEEMS ONLY USES YOU FOR SEX.

She wrote her story, after covertly reading others like it, while you were on Skype, she just ignored you and read BDSM stories while you sat there like a good dog, sit long enough and I will give you a treat, i will speak to you. Though all of her actions are perfectly justified, I guess, one day you are feeling somewhat amorous, and this just one day removed from her showing you how well she is able to perform a thing now she had trouble with earlier. Your hand drifts below the camera, then you are interrogated for over an hour the next day and told how deeply disappointed she is in you. Dec 1, she shows you what she can do now on Skype, and it is impressive to say the least, Dec 14 your package to them arrives and they open their gifts, and she minimizes basically everything you did in the gifts you sent them. Dec 16 she sends you real estate listings for a town 20 minutes from her.
Dec 21 close to Christmas and her and her kids being the closest you've had to, and her also referring to you as family, for the past 2 Christmases and they're so far away, and YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT “IT” IS ANYMORE. You send the following text. A little down today, could use a boost. there's no reply for 3 hours, so you send another text, this one says; You gonna say anything? to which she replies, “You must be talking about the text you sent soliciting words, thing is we're not together, were not gonna be, I can understand the confusion because I keep sending mixed signals but the fact remains. if I were you I'd walk away, because one day I will walk away.” Now keep in mind she's fully aware of everything she's said, and has continued to say, and do. Not to mention it's just a couple days before a Christmas you're spending alone.

No apology for trifling with you for almost 2 years now, and admitting to trifling with you, no remorse, no regret, no apology, just like a narcissistic sociopath. The package she sent you arrived on the 22^nd, but you don't really even want to know what's inside after the things she said the day before, but she keeps on you about it, until you give in. She's made you about 4 pounds of assorted flavors of fudge and hand knit you the perfect cap for the winter cold. I gush over the amount of time and work it took for her to do this, then I'm back at the familiar place of I don't know what the heck to think anymore.

I will spare you the drama of the next few days; Dec 30 I'm horny, I wish you were here so you could ______________________ and put as many blanks as you want. Dec 31 I don't know if I want to go to the New Year's thing she says; No, you should go, be with people have fun, drive safe. You're such an awesome guy. I miss you. Love ya. Late Dec 31 Skype, talk about her party with friends, then says; Well I'm going to bed, and it's 25 minutes from being your new years, so she begrudgingly agrees to wait until your ball drops.
Goodnight, text in the morning, love you. You don't respond, and you haven't for at least the last 10 times she has said “I love you.”
Jan 1 10am PST, 1pm EST You breakdown and text, hi, happy new year. No response 2 hours. then Happy new year, don't feel like texting and THINKING ON GOING on 7 day electronic fast. I'll text you later nothing for the rest of the day. That night Skype rings, you're used to the blow off followed by the I don't want you in my life, and as it's a holiday you really don't want to hear that after you've just spent Christmas and New Years alone, so you don't answer Skype but you text and say what are you calling for, ODB? no response Skype keeps ringing, you can't handle anymore at the moment. Skype stops ringing she says; Yes, just ODB, you say, why didn't you just say, let's do it. She doesn't call and she doesn't answer. she says, I'm going to bed we can try again same time tomorrow.
So, you go to work, she's ignoring your texts, and as she already unnecessarily unfriended you, she's just doing her thing, and you know it, but you also know now she really doesn't give 2 craps about you, and you're pretty certain she never has, as you're looking back over the time, it was always about and for her, in every sense of the word. 730 the time she said she'd be calling comes and goes, as does the next 730pm, and the next, in the mean time, you're being a detective and notice she's liking some posts, so this can't possibly be an electronics fast, so now you're pissed, you've been lied to by her, she's obviously got more of a party thing going on, at least that's what you tell yourself, rather than just tell yourself, she doesn't want to spend time with you. You text her, call her, email her, and fb message her, ALL IGNORED, not even a slight explanation for why she didn't even follow through on calling when she offered on her own volition. Finally, you've been thinking for 5 days now you are nothing but a sex toy to her, and it needs to stop, again you text, this time you say, listen if you don't answer or respond, I'm gonna talk to the pastor about you. she decided to continue to ignore you, for an entire 5 days, you feel completely disrespected and devalued lke never before, because you know she was on the computer, she was texting and the whole 9, and it's starting to become clear why she unfriended you on Facebook, again, at least this is what you tell yourself, because it's easier to accept than the alternative. She had things going on she didn't want you to know about, meanwhile you are still completely and totally invested body mind and soul, again she don't respond or answer, so you unlike her lying self, actually do what you say, and contact her pastor. You think she'll be angry but then realize the sex needed to stop and get behind and realize even though he did it out of anger, he also did it out of love. Her immediate response is to block you on Facebook now. And the next time you hear anything at all and from that day forward is to tell you it's ALL YOUR FAULT, and that is where it is today..
Oh I almost forgot, before she said that, she said I hate you, then a couple of weeks later she said you are NOTHING to me!!

since Jan 6 2016, she has done nothing but blame me for everything, yes everything, when it was supposed to be time for closure, she wouldn't stop screaming, or shut her mouth for 2 seconds or let me say a single word, and twisted everything I had said before around. She's not once admitted to not communicating, or to not letting me know she was taking a 7 day fast, or the fact that being on Facebook during such a fast makes it untrue, nor has she admitted to knowingly playing me, especially from a certain point.

So, how ya doing? Ready for people who call themselves your friends to come in and start defending her now, and tell you you're nuts? Come in and say; Dude get over it, she wants nothing to do with you, and you need to just let her get on with her life.
Forgive her, I have, and in fact I've never held a grudge in my life, but I need my closure too, and I've still never raised my voice much less a hand to her. but it's obvious, nobody cares, and the truth is just something to chuckle at.
Feeling super confident in God right now are ya? God works all things together for good, for those who Agape God, and are called according His purpose.
Still think she's a victim do you? I should have known better than to think the very thing I'd been praying for would actually happen? Is that what you're trying to say, that because I actually believed in the promises of God, that I'm now delusional for seeing it come to pass? Seems to me it was obviously a really good trick, so thanks for that too.
Does anyone remember when she said;
"You are the sweetest most genuine guy I have ever met. I love you with a love that will NEVER die and NEVER grow cold. I hope to spend a long life by your side, and continually grow in Christ with you. You are my prayers come to pass. I love you my dearest Paul and will cherish you ALL my days." THAT'S BECAUSE IT WAS TRUE, and is still true today, I am very genuine.
Remember when she said she wasn't the victim here? THAT'S BECAUSE IT WAS TRUE!
So, why so many of you attack me, as though I did something wrong because I believed God answered my prayers? WHAT AN ASS I AM FOR DOING THAT, WHAT A JERK!

You all didn't have a clue, even after I told you exactly what happened, it wasn't true by your estimation, so it didn't and it doesn't matter what anyone says about anything, people believe what they choose, or have it in them to believe.

But Agape only comes to those who TRULY believe, and they are ALWAYS kind to EVERYONE.

So that's my story, and I'd really like some honest answers on how you would fare. It's only right for me to tell you, after she BLOCKED me on Facebook, which also was unnecessary, I in turn contacted someone else about the real _______________, and if ANYONE can't see she's the one who caused this, I think you've created an unhealthy bias, or maybe there's too much pride to admit just maybe you don't know her quite the way you thought you did.

Emails like this to her other pastor were ignored at first for 2-5 days, then it was 2 weeks, the last time it was 2 months, and as I've had no other outlet, and nobody willing to see the truth, mind you the truth she won't deny, but as everyone is busy ripping me a new one, and the most retaliation as she called it, has only resulted in her having to come clean to certain neighbors, but she has a gaslighting way about her, where, and it will probably happen to you too, as because what I've told you here is as close to 100% accurate as I could ever come, and the fact I have every superlative still on Facebook and/or text, why is it nobody has told her squat about what she's done to me, and for so long, and knowing the story, no clergy is telling her it's only right for her to be willing to answer a few questions, but they're sure quick to berate me for not simply “letting it go”, and seem incredulous even knowing the story that I would need closure. It seems obvious to me something is not right with this picture.

And blessings to the wise, who know to be thought a fool while keeping ones mouth shut, is a far better thing that to open one's mouth thus removing all doubt.